I’m not ready for a blog, but the reality is that I’ll probably never be ready. *Sigh* Recently several people have told me that I’m my own worst critic, and they’re probably right so I’ve taken the plunge and here we are.
Why RenovationKitchenBlog? Well, I’ve decided to renovate my life. My life. As an individual. I recently realized that I was a person I did not want to be – a martyr. Always busy doing things that I did not enjoy because I was ‘supposed to’. For as long as I can remember, I incorrectly assumed that doing what made me happy was futile. So, I said yes to the wrong things and no to the right ones, because I wanted to be good. To show that I’m ok putting myself last, to show that I really can make 4 dozen cookies for a bunch of strangers on two hours of sleep and skipping my kids bedtime story, because that’s what martyr’s do. And I was on this hamster wheel and perfectly content to be there when things began to change.
One day I cried as I left Wally’s Wine. I literally cried. I walked in and was overwhelmed when I realized how much I missed being in that kind of environment. I know it may seem silly, but I felt at home. For those few minutes, I was in my ideal environment (yes, surrounding by liquor and good cheese) and I wondered why I hadn’t been in there in so long and it made me sad.
I began thinking about what I wanted. What I wanted. And I didn’t know but I thought about it. A lot. And I realized that I am always at my happiest and most animated when I’m talking about food, visiting a new restaurant, or planning a meal. Food has always seemed like a fun distraction but it’s more than that to me. It’s my air. It’s my passion, my art. I don’t know if I’m crazy or gifted (or crazy gifted), but I want whoever is reading this to understand how I feel… I feel vulnerable when I talk about cuisine, literally emotionally raw. That’s how much I care about it. It’s kind of embarrassing.
Anyhoo, back to this blog. I’m doing it. I’m pursuing my nirvana and this is where I’m documenting my journey. The good the bad and the crazy. I don’t know what will come, but for the last two months have been the happiest of my life. I’ve been talking to chefs and restauranteurs and other like minded souls who actually get what I’m saying. They think my ideas are good! They encouraged me to write this blog. I don’t know what my final culinary career will look like, but I know that I’m having a ton of fun learning and making new connections. For the FIRST time in my life I’m taking risks and they are paying off. And you know what? I’m not miserable anymore. I have always been a good mom and my marriage was good, but me as a happy individual makes me an amazing mom and a better partner.
I hope you’ll share this journey with me. I hope that my successes and missteps will encourage someone else to take a risk. I hope that I will continue to be this excited about what I’m doing. I hope…